I may or may not be walking around with one heck of a sunburn right now. Oops, but lucky for me it will turn into a nice tan. I’ll probably be more burnt by the end of the day since drilling labs have started at work and this requires outdoor all the time. Maybe I should put on sunscreen.

Oh and guess what else? If T wasn’t such a dill weed I could be officially divorced today, but nooo. He’s got to be the jerk that ignores me and my lawyer and won’t sign papers. It’s like come on guy, you’re the one who’s all ‘in love’*and happy with his insta-family, so why won’t you let me divorce you!? So I wait, some more, like always.

I can’t wait to get back the vehicle that I own/pay for from T too. I’m sick of paying for two practically brand new vehicles. It makes this chick have a low cash fund balance, and I don’t like that. It’ll be fun to get the vehicle back, get divorced and get back the thousands of dollars he owes me. Those thousands of dollars that I’ve spent on him, that I will get back no matter how long it takes, will take me on one heck of a nice vacation. Thanks for being a jerk T, I’ll enjoy my vacation eventually.

I’m getting far too excited for summer and then my Ireland trip. This summer I’ll be working more than normal, but only so I can take three weeks off for Ireland, so it’s a fair trade. A friend and I are going camping for a week, which will be fantastic. Another friend of mine is getting married and I cannot wait for her wedding. She, honestly, will probably be the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen. The roomie is heading to his family farm for the majority of the summer so it’ll be weird to be alone most of the time again. I guess this just means that I’ll have to have the ladies over a lot.

I’m kind of sick of blog-post type posts. Therefore, this blog shall do whatever I want it to, which right now is going to be like a journal of types. If it’s a journal of types I’ll feel more inclined to write during these beautiful summer months.

*No, I don’t believe he’s in love. I don’t even think he knows what LOVE means.

I’ve always been a person who thinks of my parents’ farm as home, even now after being moved out for six years, the farm is still home to me. It’s hard to believe that six years ago, well it’ll be six years in August technically, eighteen year old me moved out and never moved home again. I moved away to the college town and took my diploma course, but it was one that provided a work term and I never had to move home to find a summer job. Last week, I was lucky to get the week off, a nice break between a busy semester and the starting of a slow one and I headed down home.

Now, the thing is, home has gotten complicated. Complicated because my parents bought a house in the nearest town but they kept the farm too. I had to split my time between the farm and town which was a really weird thing for me to do. In all of my almost twenty four years of life we’ve never had two “homes”. As much as I love the house they bought in town, it’s the stuff first home dreams are made of I swear, it still doesn’t measure up to quiet time on the farm.

I only spent one night at the farm, mainly because Mik was in school and Mom was at work in town so it was easiest to stay there, but it was perfection. I headed out after lunch and spent the entire afternoon alone at the farm. I didn’t even have the dog, so it was nice alone time for me. I spent the afternoon cleaning my truck, walking around the farm, quadding throughout the fields and pasture and just enjoying the peace and quiet.

It doesn’t matter that I’ve been a “city girl” for six years now; I still will and always will be a farm girl at heart. Going home will always and forever be heading to the farm, no matter where my parents live in the future. The farm will always be a huge chunk of who I am, because I was raised there, but mainly because nothing can replace the memories we’ve made there.

I am in love with these guys and this song specifically.

May your path be the sound, of your feet upon the ground. 

I was actually surprised, maybe even impressed, at the things I wrote down as I re-read it all. I knew I had come a long way, grown, learned and flourished because of the challenges – but it really is amazing how far I’ve come.

For the past year when I thought about T, I was either angry or sad.  I was angry because of the things he did to me and put me through. I was angry because of the lies and manipulation. I was angry because he had taken advantage of me and my family. I was angry because he had pushed my friends and family so far away from me. I was angry because, simply put, he used me. I was sad because of the way I treated people who questioned him. I was sad because of the lost friendships caused by him. I was sad because I felt I deserved the way he treated me.

Not anymore. I am no longer angry and I am no longer sad. I have actually forgiven him for the things he’s done. Realizing that forgiveness can mean simply forgiving someone, not meaning that I’m okay with what he did to me, allowed me to forgive. I will never forget though, there are things etched into my mind that still haunt me – and will for a while yet.

But by letting go of the anger, I have found peace within my own life. I find myself renewed in life, faith, family and friends. It’s refreshing and makes me realize how much I have without T. I learned greatly from him, but what I went through isn’t anything I would wish upon my worst enemy. Yet, I had to release those feelings to be free.

I don’t miss him anymore. I don’t miss anything about him. I don’t miss anything about us. Those feelings are long gone and passed. I can look back on the few good things that happened with happiness and smile, but I don’t wish I was in that situation anymore. I’ve gotten rid of almost everything in the house that reminds me of him, or was more his than mine, and it feels amazing. I was immature and threw out some of his clothes but it felt so good.

I’m close to wanting a relationship again. I’m close to being able to trust new people again. I’m not saying I’m going to run out and get into a serious relationship right away again, but I am willing to let the walls down a little bit at a time. If someone happens to come along that’s worth my time, then maybe they’ll come down faster, but for now I’m taking things slowly.

Really though, it comes down to one thing – I’m okay. I’m not okay in the fact that I’m coping with things, I’m okay in the fact that I’m moving on from those things. Finally, moving past the drama and letting it never bother me.

Really, I’m better than okay. I’m stronger, smarter, braver, more courageous, more confident, more loyal and so many more things than ever before. You’ve all heard that everything happens for a reason – I firmly believe this. I know I had to go through hell in a marriage so that one day, I can fully appreciate the blessings that come to me. I learned about myself, and grew into a better woman than I could have ever been without those experiences.

Here’s to being okay. Here’s to healing, growing, learning, but most of all – here’s to living again.

One smooth little song with meaning.

One ridiculous song that makes me want to dance.

Enjoy!

Last night was one of the best, non-partying, nights I have had in an extremely long time. I can attribute this to two facts:

1. I shot a hand gun, repeatedly.
2. I got to hang out with ThatGuy.

This week has been a week filled with delightful events and fun times with friends because I actually made the effort to plan things and go see people. My Thursday night was a planned TG and Jazz date night, friend-date night that is. I spent all of Thursday excited to head into the city, but we hadn’t made any formal plans for the evening so I had no idea what was in store.

TG called me as he wrapped up his work day and suggested we go to the Pistol Club.

Yeah, you heard me. The Wascana Pistol Club.

I’m pretty sure I was more excited to get to the city than ever. Of course, TG hadn’t even showered when I got to his place, so I was left sitting around waiting on the slow poke. I was far too excited to head out and shoot a gun, far too excited.

FINALLY, what felt like hours later, or one and a half episodes of Two and a Half men later, we were on our way. After arriving, being all nervous, getting the low down on the safety precautions and such, it was time to wait. It didn’t take long for two spots to open up in the range and in we went.

100 rounds. 10 targets. My pretty little glittery manicured fingernails and shoving bullets into the clip, shoving the clip up into the pistol, made me laugh a lot. Glittery fingernails definitely need to handle bullets more often.

This resulted in the best mood ever. TG was no longer stressed out from work; I no longer had a care in the world. I had hit the bull’s-eye a couple times. TG used an automatic rifle as well as the hand gun and it looked pretty awesome. I felt like the biggest badass around. I even brought home the targets!

I missed TG a lot; he really is one of my best friends, even though he gives me a hard time. We went for a beer after we were done being all badass and chatted for a while. Of course, TG was distracted slightly by hockey since the Sharks were playing, but after knowing him for so long I’m used to that.

So, who wants to go shoot guns with me soon? I want to go back ASAP.

Photo Source: Movie Bad Girls 

I woke up this morning to a cold breeze blowing through my room; well freezing ice cold breeze might be a better description. I was still in that half dream half awake mode, where things are all fuzzy and soft and warm, and I couldn’t figure out why it was cold. Finally my sleep filled eyes adjusted and realized I had fallen asleep with the window open, which typically wouldn’t be a big deal. Yet, last night, the weather went from spring delight to snowy beauty.

Most people woke up this morning and felt disgust, or at least were slightly annoyed that it was snowing, and I can understand that. But yet I wish people could see the beauty of the snow, even if it is spring. Maybe, I’m just a little strange – which I totally accept as true – but I find snow to be one of the prettier things in life.

Don’t get me wrong, I love every single season we have. I love the greening of the fields and trees in the spring, the hot and beautiful summer days, and the leaves changing colours in the fall, but I really love it when it snows. The way the snow blankets the trees and drags them down is one of my favourite things. It just looks so magical.

I think I like snow days especially because it seems like a fresh start when it comes, I guess it’s probably the same reason I love rain days. So when spring comes and April quickly passes us by, I will enjoy one of the last snowy days we’ll have for the season. Or maybe I’m just one of those really annoying people who find happiness in everything.

And this post has no real reason, but I really just wanted to tell someone that I liked waking up to snow without seeing their face scrunch up in disapproval.

 Photo Source

I love my Kobo and probably spend way too much money on books now.

This year, for Easter, my parents bought me a $100 gift card for Chapters.

I see this as a reason to find $100 worth of amazing books to put on my Kobo.

So I’m looking for suggestions for GOOD books that are worth the money.

I just started reading Fifty Shades of Grey and so far I’m spellbound by it.

I’ve read the Hunger Games series too.

I mention those only because everyone suggests them.

So bring it! Suggest away.

Please.

I’ve been continually dreaming about Ireland lately, but with a twist. If you look REALLY closely, and use your imagination, that’s me and my future bearded husband in front of our castle. Because when you go on a trip to Ireland you totally marry the hottest and richest bearded man and live in his castle… Right? If I’m wrong, please don’t tell me…

Oh, and there’s no reflection of us because I’m pretty sure we’re vampires. So we can live for all of eternity in our castle and raise vampire babies. Or I got sick of paint and quit drawing, you be the judge.

Original Picture from PKTravel - artwork added by yours truly.

Technically this isn’t music Monday since I’m posting a trailer, but it is kind of music Monday because I love the music in the trailer. Strange movie, but I loved it. LOVED it.